It Feels Like Home
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Willow returns home after being gone for five years


ITLE: Feels Like Home  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Willow returns home after being gone for five years  
SPOILER: Nothing specific except Graduation Day, and I embellish on that just a bit  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) http://planetslaythis.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-PG  
DISCLAIMER: Everyone belongs to Joss. Sometimes I wish I did, 'cause all the girls he has get to make out with the hot guys from the underworld. Of course, most of them end up alone in the end so never mind.   
  
  
  
A window breaks  
  
Down a long, dark street  
  
And a siren wails  
  
In the night  
  
But I'm all right  
  
Cause I have you here with me  
  
And I can almost see  
  
Through the dark there is light.....  
  
And it feels like home  
  
--Feels Like Home--Chantal Kreviazuk   
  
  
  
Sunnydale just does not change.   
  
It's one of those towns, the kind you see in old TV shows like All In The Family and the Golden Girls. Everything's close to perfect, but you know you're not in 90210, either.   
  
Well, if you discount the Hellmouth.   
  
I spoke to Buffy recently though, and she tells me the Hellmouth is very overrated anymore. She's only seen two vampires in the last month, Angel and Spike. I guess things are going great for her. Wish I could say the same.   
  
I haven't dared call my parents and tell them I'm back. They wouldn't understand, they wouldn't really care. They don't know why I left, don't know why I ran away with a man they claimed I hardly knew.   
  
Oh, but I did know him. I knew the Oz he was. The Oz that used to rub my back for me when I came home from work and help me figure out the answers to the questions on Rock and Roll Jeopardy. The guy who would take care of me when I needed him. That was my Oz.   
  
I don't know the Oz of today. I don't know why he decided he likes rap better than rock, I don't know why he shaved his head, and I don't know why his new wife is Cordelia Chase.   
  
Somebody, God, Hecate, Satan, anyone, tell me how they got together. Give me one good reason and I promise, I'll never ask for anything from anyone ever again.   
  
Of course, there's silence in the entire cemetery. I'm sitting here at Jenny's grave, but Faith's and Anya's aren't far away. I'm still surprised that they made sure Anya had a headstone. Then again, she did give us the information on the Ascension that saved our lives. And from what I've been told, she gave Xander some very happy years.   
  
Poor Xander. He's been all alone for four years now. I wanted to come home when Anya died, to be his best friend if nothing else, but Oz was still struggling with Dingoes then and I couldn't leave him. Maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life.   
  
Or maybe leaving in the first place was.   
  
I just couldn't deal after the Ascension. Everyone was a big butt load of unhappy. Giles, wallowing over Buffy knowing about his affair with her mother and his desperation to be reinstated with the Council, and Xander, lost without Cordelia. Buffy was a mess, depressed without Angel, I don't remember her doing much other than killing undead twenty-four seven for weeks after he left. There were several nights she didn't come home. Her mother would call me and I'd stay up with her all night, standing at the window, waiting for something. It was horrible. I was so sick of all the sad faces around me. Oz and I felt like the happiest couple in the world, and there wasn't a soul I could share it with. Forth of July weekend, we went to his gig in Seattle, and never came back.   
  
It's been five years now. Angel's back and he and Buffy live in his mansion. Her mother died from breast cancer last year, and I think that was the only reason he returned. Whatever brought   
  
Xander is a teacher, can you believe that? A shop teacher, but still, he spends his days in school, the one place I thought he'd never set foot in again. Buffy said he never fails to remind her that this isn't the same Sunnydale High we attended, so it's not the same thing at all.   
  
I haven't spoken to Xander since the day before I left. I don't know why. Buffy sent me many letters from him, even gave me his number when he got his own apartment, but I never made contact.   
  
I think I was too scared. Too scared after awhile to admit that I'd made a big mistake in leaving. Oz and I broke up after a couple of years, but when he moved to LA with his new gang of musicians, I stayed in Seattle. I liked my job, repairing and building computers for Circuit City. I was able to finish school while I did it, not that my pre-med diploma does me very well without med school on top of it. Maybe some day.   
  
I came back because of him. I know he'll know it the minute he sees me. He should know it. It's always been him, for twenty years, it's been him.   
  
I separated the large bunch of wildflowers I held and set some at Jenny's grave. I stood up and divided the remainders to Faith, Anya and Mrs. Summers. I noticed the same simple orchids at Joyce's grave as were at Miss Calendar's, and I assume they're from Giles. I plan on visiting him tomorrow, tonight is about Xander.   
  
I brushed my butt and knees off and left the cemetery. For the first time in years, I don't feel afraid walking the streets of Sunnydale alone. Buffy thinks the undead left because they know there's not much heart left in this city. I know she's right.   
  
Xander's apartment building isn't far from where we grew up. I see the last name Harris and ring the bell. He lets me up without asking who it is, thank God. I hadn't prepared myself for that instaneous reply, and in those few seconds between when I rang the bell and he buzzed the door, I felt afraid that he might reject me.   
  
I scooted inside and, after taking several deep breaths, got into the elevator and pushed the button. It was an older style elevator, reminiscent of the ones in Titanic, only not nearly as fancy. I got a bit freaked out that it might break or stop between floors, but it didn't. However, I could hear some sort of boy band playing from another apartment, it might have been the Backstreet Boys. Gives new meaning to the term "elevator music". I pushed the door up and walked onto the floor. There were three apartments, the last was his. Taking one final deep breath, I approached his door and knocked.   
  
"WOOHOO! Pizza is here!" he shouted and I got shivers. I'd missed his voice so much. "I'm coming!" he shouted. "I just got out of the shower and--" he opened the door and his mouth dropped. The credit card he was holding in his hand fell to the floor.   
  
"Hi Xander," I greeted him.   
  
"Willow. Oh my God. Willow!" his face softened immediately and he grabbed me, hugging me. I was so afraid he'd be mad at me, unforgiving. I'd forgotten that he was still Xander, the guy with the biggest heart imaginable.   
  
I felt his tears hit my shoulder and he slightly loosened his grip. "I've missed you....come in." he backed away and took my hand, pulling me into the apartment. I entered and tripped over a tennis shoe. He kicked it over into a pile across the room. That was what his apartment was like, piles everywhere.   
  
"Total bachelor pad you got goin' here, huh?"   
  
He laughed. "Something like that. What are you doing here? When did you get in?"   
  
"About an hour ago. I went by the cemetery, and then I came here."   
  
"The cemetery?" he asked.   
  
"I had to do some thinking. I left flowers for everyone."   
  
He sighed. "Seems like there's so many there now. The number keeps increasing." he then remembered he was only wearing a towel. "I've gotta go do the changing thing," he fumbled and went into his bedroom. A moment later he came out in a black tee shirt and plaid flannel PJ pants that had Scooby Doo on the back pocket. "So," he sat next to me on the couch. "How are you? I'm so sorry about Oz. I heard...."   
  
"I'm sorry about Anya. I should've come."   
  
He shook his head. "It would've been too hard. I don't know if Buffy told you, but I learned it's not a good idea to get into a brawl with a Slayer."   
  
I smiled. "She didn't tell me anything."   
  
"She didn't tell you how much I miss you? How much I've missed you the entire time?"   
  
I shook my head. "She sent the letters, but I never read them."   
  
"Why?" I don't think I've ever seen so much hurt in his eyes before.   
  
I shrugged. "I guess it hurt too much."   
  
"I don't understand."   
  
"Neither do I."   
  
He smiled. "At least there's something we still have in common."   
  
"I think we still have a lot in common."   
  
"Like what?" he asked.   
  
The doorbell rang and we grinned at each other. "Pizza party?" he guessed.   
  
"You've got chips don't you?"   
  
"And Doritos. They're on the kitchen table."   
  
I went into the little kitchenette and gathered the junk food along with paper plates and a large bottle of Mountain Dew from the fridge. Xander brought the pizza over and we settled with it at the coffee table in the living room.   
  
"So," he said when we were done stuffing ourselves. "What brought you home?"   
  
"You," I admitted quietly.  
  
"Willow...."   
  
"You don't know how much I've missed you." I stood up and walked over to a mountain that appeared to be made of tee shirts and magazines. "Every day, I think about you. This is where I want to be."   
  
"This isn't because of Oz?"   
  
"No, it's not fucking because of Oz!" I threw a tee shirt at the door because it was handy. Not an overly dramatic statement, but I felt better.   
  
"Then what?"   
  
"Don't you get it? I ran away, I spent five years trying to get away from you, trying to get away from how I feel about you. But there's no way, I can't escape it. I can't escape you and I can't escape us."   
  
"There's an 'us'?"   
  
"I want there to be an 'us'." I admitted. I fiddled with another tee shirt from the pile and then looked over at him. "What do you want?"   
  
He walked over to me and touched a strand of my hair. I'd kept it short over the years, but on its own it had started growing in sort of wavy instead of poker straight. He fingered the strand as though he were touching gold. Then he kissed me.   
  
The sweetest, softest kiss I'd ever had.   
  
It was also the most passionate.   
  
When we pulled away, he grinned at me. "You've got garlic breath."   
"As do you."   
  
"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked.   
  
"Checking in with Giles and the new Slayer, what's her name? Diana? Darcy?"   
  
 "Darceanna." he said, smiling.   
  
"I was half right," I kissed his cheek. "Why?"   
  
"Because I think you and I need to stay up all night watching movies. You'll never believe what I own."   
  
"Not Empire Records."   
  
"Director's Cut!" he said happily.  
  
"You're on!"   
  
Weeks later, we're still together. Happy and getting along better than ever. He's asked me to move in with him, but I still think it's too soon for that. I mean, we haven't.....you know....yet. I'm so nervous about that. Buffy said he never did it with Anya, so that means Faith is it. I'm a bit intimidated by that, but somehow I'll survive. I hope all is well with you and Michael. I miss you loads Amy. You should come back to Sunnydale. It's home.   
  
Love,  
  
Willow


End file.
